I Lost My Car, Still Searching for Life

This series was supposed to start a little differently.

I was supposed to go into some background on why “Unwritten” exists. I was supposed to tell you how I’ve had a lot of pent up feelings and situations that I never really spoke about, and how being more vulnerable and transparent has been my thing lately. So, I wanted to be open and honest. Not just when things are good, but when things are rough too. I wanted to open up more about fears, and how scary mine are, but how I’ve been working to not let them define me. I wanted to be transparently motivational (we’ll coin that as a term for now).  But then, I lost my car. And to be honest, the world around me stopped for what feels like 10 years.

I want to preface this by saying – It’s not about the car. If I had to choose between my life and my car, thank God for breathing. But that’s the thing. I haven’t been breathing. I haven’t been living. I haven’t just been for the entire year. If I’m being honest, life has been extremely hard for me. I’ve lost something, or have gone through something, every. Single. Month. In the year 2018. So losing something that I’ve worked so hard to get at a time where, in my eyes, I had not much more to lose, really did something to me.

I’ve been trying to find the words for those feelings, while silently piecing together everything that’s been happening to try and find myself again. To find the lesson. But I haven’t been very good at it.

Back in February 2016, I made a down payment on my first car. This comes years after broken promises from someone I’ve been trying to establish a consistent familial relationship with for years that it would be coming “soon”. But, soon never came for me. After becoming friends with the clerks at Greyhound stations all over the East Coast, to finally making enough to “upgrade” to Amtrak, maybe picking up a few rentals here and there, I got her. Miracle. I found my Miracle.

From long evening drives and loud speakers when my mind just didn’t want to process my day to day life, to surprise visits to my mom or brother, to just getting out and seeing parts of the United States and helping to make curating random events easier. Miracle has been a lifelong treat, and a great start to my adulthood.

But then I lost her.

October 11, 2018 – I was heading into work after a hard conversation with a friend about how hard this year really has been for me. How things are changing before my eyes in my then relationship, my family life, and even down to my career. I was dealing with change after change after change that I knew I needed to take action on and finally figure out.

When I walked away from that conversation – I had a little more confidence. Perspective.

And then I pulled out – and I was hit. Directly. Hit and knocked unconsciously for what felt like hours.

A few weeks prior, I wrote a sticky note with wise words from Pastor Michael Todd: “Your hardest hit will be the one you don’t see coming.”

And that was my hardest hit of the year.

That was the icing on the cake for me.

And internally I lost it. At that time, I wasn’t even thinking about how I would even get around. I just couldn’t believe that after what was a year of me constantly LOSING – there was still MORE for me to LOSE.

Those who knew gave me a lot of reassuring messages and helpful words. And then there were some who I expected to show up a little more – and they didn’t. And that hurt.  To lose again at a very tender moment of my life.

After the accident, I only had about 3 days to only focus on the accident and affairs (which is a whole other internal battle). And then it was back to work, but I wasn’t present. Suddenly, this entire year started to take over my entire life and I couldn’t catch a grip.

I found myself waking up, and immediately crying. Every. Single. Day. It became a routine, or I should say it took over my routine. I would force myself to take extra time out to find something positive to focus on. Whether it be a few things I was looking forward to each day, having tough talks with God which never ceased, or focusing on a quote or message that could get me through. But it was hard.

I couldn’t find the motivation to work at my best, which made things even worse because I am my own worst critic. And in some ways, I felt like no one around me could understand what was happening. I began secluding myself – shutting off my social media, breaking my phone (on accident) with no rush on having it turned on to further silence things around me. I was no longer making regular appearances at events. While I couldn’t force life to stop for me,  in doing those things, I felt I had a break.

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.

In my break down, I’ve learned so much about myself. The biggest being I can and will overcome any obstacle that comes my way. I am the light that shines through in my darkest times. Though I may feel alone, I will always have the love and care of God by my side. And thankfully, He’s blessed me to have a strong support system even when I do feel too down and out to notice.

I’ve learned that there is no such thing as pity in the work force. It’s a great disservice to me to be off of my game because it gives people ammunition to think that I cannot handle what comes my way, and that is simply not true. I have also learned that it is okay to be human and communicate. Communicate with your team and your bosses, no matter what you feel. Your feelings are important.

My focus has increased much more on what my needs and priorities are. In eliminating distractions and zoning into my feelings and emotions, I was more able to acknowledge and accept that right now, I am not my strongest self. That it’s okay to step away from anything that doesn’t allow you to take care of yourself. If it is meant to be, the opportunity will be there.

As we enter the new year, I encourage you to place self-care at the top of your goals. I encourage you to be honest with yourself about where you are, and what you need. I encourage you to be honest with your friends, your loved ones, and even those around you in the work force. You don’t have to be this all powerful supernatural  being. My “in my head” mentor, Myleik Teele made a very big point on her October podcast “How I’m Learning to Ask for Help”: “Accepting help is hard because it requires you giving up control.”

This year, I had no control over any aspect of my life. And that was very hard for me to accept. I was prideful when it came to asking for help, and in some ways, I still am. I have the idea that asking for help equates to me being a burden. But, in having help from others, I could have probably avoided a lot of situations made worse due to “fear”. In 2019, we’re breaking up with “fear” and we’re entertaining “confidence” and “joy”.

In the coming months, my new blog series, “Unwritten” will unfold into spirals of transparency and hard conversations. I will be my most honest, and I hope you don’t mind having a seat at the table and taking off the mask with me. Thank you in advance for your community.

 

In and Out – The Sacred Way to Love Yourself

The idea of self care is a universal foreign language to the busiest of entrepreneurs, worker bees and career enthusiasts. But in the past several years, it has also become somewhat of a trend. You see it everywhere. From aromatherapy inspired products (heck, they have an entire stones inspired section of Bath and Body Works!), to health and fitness and what the best products are to consume and spend your dollars on.

It’s through these rising conversations that I was able to connect with a person who is not at all a stranger to self care, or taking care of others.

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Khet Waas Hutip is the owner of Sacred Rootz, LLC, housed in the same facility as several other equally amazing Black owned businesses (such as Third Eye Lounge and Central Station’s Official Mixtape Headquarters) at Grand Central Station in North Charleston. We were introduced by my fellow client, Ikeoma Divine, who owns Third Eye Lounge. During our conversation, I was amazed at how often I was around his business, but never got an opportunity to peek inside.

He broke down his story, sharing how he got started at a very young age through his upbringing. Hear how he was able to turn something that is a natural way of life into something that was able to help others around him.

Believe in Your Own Magic

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Are you happy with your life?

In a room filled with fellow Black girl bosses with their own careers, passions, and most authentically, struggles, I was forced to think deeply about this question.

But before doing that, I was asked to grab a card on a door filled with plenty of quotes – all encouraging, all reflective.

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They were very similar to those I had seen around the Dream Big Weekend trips .

Afterwards, upon walking in, I was greeted by the voice of Jessica herself, bubbly, loud, and getting herself ready to do life with several other women lucky to be invited to this closed, bonding, empowerment session.

How would you rate your life at this moment?

In front of us was a sheet of paper with a color wheel and colored pencils. We were asked to rate our life in parts such as career, friendships, romantic relationships, health, etc.

Writing a simple number down wasn’t hard. Coloring was even therapeutic, but having to elaborate on why I chose those numbers, and why I felt the way I did was difficult.

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There’s a notebook that I carry around all the time, and on the outside it reads “Happiness is an inside job.” Through the intimate discussions, I thought back to this very quote, and how I am in control of what I choose to take in my life. There is no reason to be unhappy if I can make a choice to do something or think about something differently. Of course, it’s easier said than done, but there’s power in words and action. Our words manifest the action. And with everyone sharing where they are – young, and seasoned, everyone had the common goal of happiness and fulfillment.

Fulfillment in our relationships. Happiness with our careers and personal endeavors. Upon leaving, we eached read the card we chose one by one. And altogether, without even realizing it, we had told a magnified story that included one another.


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Jessica Amaro is the creator of #DreamBigWeekend – which encourages you to take a few days away from any distractions, to be around other women who resonate with you, and places a focus on living our best lives.

You can visit her website to see the Dream Big Weekend Experience at https://www.dreambigweekend.com/

Be sure to LIKE her Facebook page as well to see a recap of last year’s Dream Big Weekend trip. More to come from this year!

Lights, Camera, Glam – Beat To A T

Makeup is often described as a cover up for women and their natural features. But to a woman themselves, it is often described as an enhancer. The finishing touch that completes a look. And maybe on a not so tip top, energetic day, it’s a huge confidence boost.


Years ago, MoNique said it best on her talk show: “When you look good, you feel good, and when you feel good, you look good.” Jasmine has become a vessel not only in the beauty industry, but for Black women who utilize her services and know her best as “Beat To A T”.

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Beat 2 a T Beauty Services is a brand that caters to every aspect of beauty.  From make up and hair, to mink lash extensions, it is the one stop shop beauty service.

When asked what Jasmine’s desires are for her business, it centered around being able to go above and beyond for her clients, providing spectacular service, but also stepping outside of her own comfort zone and getting herself out there.

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You can find Beat 2 A T beauty services on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/Beatme2aT/ 

In my element

When you enter inside Grand Central Station, located on Remount Road in North Charleston, you’ll instantly feel drawn to many places. One of which you’ll find tucked away to your left with a beckoning aroma and soothing tunes.

3rd Eye Lounge becomes your home away from home.

It becomes hard to drop in for five or ten minutes when you’ve become curious about the beauty inside. Ikeoma Divine, the creator, welcomes you in with a smile. Though mostly introverted, the conversations you will have with her will place you on higher ground.


One of the first things she will tell you is that the answer lies within you. She provides the tools to help you acknowledge what you’ve already known to be true. I guess that’s why there’s a level of comfort within her dwelling. Creating a space of authenticity. That is what she provides by doing it all flawlessly.

Are your chakras aligned?



Over the next seven weeks, Ikeoma will lead others a journey of self transformation. Through her Rootwork for Self Transformation course, she will help others remove blockages and stagnation of 7 energy points all connected to one’s emotional and physical body. This will all be done through rootwork rituals helping you to explore the imbalances of seven chakras.

For more information, visit https://oriinstitute.com/course/rootwork-for-self-transformation/ to explore and sign up today.

You can find out more about the safe space Keke has through 3rd Eye Lounge here:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thirdeyelounge/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/3rdeyelounge/

Twitter: www.twitter.com/3rdeyelounge

 

Now Available: Life Through Art

It’s official.

I am taking things to the next level, and helping others do the same.

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Life Through Art is for the millennial creative, visionary, or business owner.

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It was created with the intention to act as an extension of an already developed idea or brand. For creators, we have a tendency to stand in our own way. Whether it be how we execute a photo campaign for a project or business, announcing our newest business venture, or just putting out consistent content. We don’t trust everyone to handle the intimate affairs of creativity, but it often hurts us when we end up having lackluster images, and we’re not putting out any content for months on end.

As a person who works full time, has a communications platform (Conqueror Movement), and is currently working as a part time freelancer, I fully understand how hard it is just to stay afloat and keep up. I am a creator who lives my life fully through my art. And now, I want to help others take their business to the next level by doing the things I already do on a weekly basis, and love doing.

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What my clients get from booking with Life Through Art Media:

  • A consultation session which allows us to get to know each other, it allows me to get to know your brand, and ways that my platform can serve you.
  • *A monthly workflow of visuals catered to your brand. From the consultation, we can figure out if you need help putting out consistent content on a monthly basis or just tying up loose ends. If you demands are monthly, we will be working to figure out what your brands needs to develop a package that can involve up to the following: photo content, video content, social media content creation

As a welcome to those who haven’t worked with me yet, or would like to work with me again, I am offering a reduced rate on my works for ONE WEEK ONLY.

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Prices only apply until May 15th. after that, video or photo services will go back to their original, full price. Bookings can be made now for advanced dates.

If you are ready to live your life through your art, and exceed your expectations, book me.

Getting Back to Me

2017 was all about growth and creating a solid foundation.

On January 1, 2017, I entered this year on the worst term possible. I was struggling with my relationship. Struggling with my self esteem both personally and professionally. I had maintained a lifestyle in Charleston doing my career that I love wholeheartedly, and not being able to afford to live the lifestyle I was “living” in.

But as the saying goes, it’s not how you start. It’s how you finish.

In February, my rocky relationship came to a traumatic end. I would be broken down in the worst way, and would have to find myself again.

In March, I decided to step out on faith with my goals and shifted my focus to The Conqueror Movement, which is my communications platform that serves as a connecting point for Black millennial creatives and professionals. With the help of my two best friends, we created “Falling In Love With Your Passion”. This event would host 50 people in one room, most of who I had never met before personally. The idea of this event was to encourage Black creators that what you do and what you’re passionate about, you must maintain a relationship with it. It must be something that you dedicate your time and energy to as if it were a one on one relationship. It would be the successful catalyst for a great year for my platform. My solid team would go on to create several events and opportunities throughout the year that would help these creators grow, learn and evolve, such as monthly brunch meetups, an annual celebration , of the company, and a documentary showing called “Find Your Light” . But not only did these projects help others, they allowed me to get back to myself and see what my true potential is.

I was pushed in ways I had never been pushed. Pushed to persevere. Pushed to trust the process. Pushed to trust others.

Now that I think of it, that would be the foundation of what I learned this year about myself and what I would learn I need to do for myself.

I learned that energy can be toxic if it’s wrong. Be protective of yours and don’t allow others to steal your joy.

My life experiences are constantly shaping me, and that’s important.

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If you cannot learn from what you do, what you see around you, and even the people you find yourself around, you are doing things wrong.

Looking ahead, I want to be more open about the things I have experienced so that those things can help others. I also want to be more real with myself about where I am, where I want to be, and just learning how to be more unapologetic.

In 2018, you will see a lot more from me, starting with this website.

Things have changed since I last debuted it on my birthday, May 30 of 2015. I have acquired my dream job, I have grown from a youngin’ to a young woman, and I am more confident in my abilities. You no longer need to see the labor of my work, you know what I’m capable of. The question now is: Who Is Khadijah?

You will find out alot more than you could imagine.

Going into the new year, I hope you will visualize your biggest fear and conquer it. I hope you won’t let it define you.

Stay tuned, friends.